Big Sis Briefing: Too Big for Your Boots? Good.

“Who does she think she is?”

If you grew up in Australia as a young woman in the 90s, you probably heard that sentence in more ways than one. Maybe not always out loud. Sometimes it was a look, a raised eyebrow, a shift in tone, a message delivered through the media or a classroom or a parent or a playground.

“Don’t be too loud.”

“Don’t take up too much space.”

“Don’t be too ambitious.”

“Don’t be too full of yourself.”

Be grateful... Be the good girl... Be liked…

The water we swam in taught us that confidence wasn’t safe. That to shine was to risk and that being noticed was just a few steps away from being cut down.

Welcome to the Tall Poppy Club…. population: shrinking! 😒

So, we played small and we made ourselves easier to digest. We smoothed the edges of our personalities to avoid rocking the boat. We chased perfection and approval. We worked hard, waited to be picked and hoped someone would notice (but at the same without being called a pick me or an attention wh*re?!)

Here’s what I’ve learnt after 37 years on this big round ball floating through time and space: If you’re always trying to be liked, you’ll forget what it’s like to be free.

Deconditioning Myself: One Bold Step at a Time

Every growth leap I’ve ever taken, from asking for a promotion, to starting my podcast, to leaving corporate, to launching a business of my own, has come with a little internal voice that says:

“Who do you think you are?”

With the help of therapy and doing the inner work, I’ve learned to answer it:

I’m someone who’s allowed to try. Someone who’s allowed to want more. Someone who’s done the reps and earned the seat. Someone who knows that being seen can feel vulnerable, even unsafe, for so many women, for so many reasons.

I’m someone who will still show up. I’m someone who wants to embody bravery and fiercely shine bright so my nieces, mentees and younger women in my circle can see and be.

Not because I’m fearless, but because I’ve stopped making fear the compass.

The truth is: you won’t be for everyone. I’m certainly not. People will talk. They might even whisper behind your back (or comment on a public post of yours on a dress rental company for some bizarre reason…)

But if they do? As another fabulous Mel says: “Let them”.

You’re not here to live a life small enough to please the loudest critic in the room. You’re here to live a life that feels like yours.

✨ Shine Anyway! ✨

This is your reminder that:

• To be “too much” is often just code for “unapologetically yourself.”

• To be “cringe” is to be free.

• To be “too big for your boots” just means you’re growing.

• To be “full of yourself” is thinly veiled misogyny.

You can’t be what you can’t see and if all of this work helps even one younger version of me feel brave enough to back herself, to be loud, to speak up, to raise her hand, to take the leap, then it’s totally all 100% worth it.

This is your Big Sis permission slip to:

• Take up space

• Set the boundary

• Ask for what you want

• Tell your story

• Do it before you feel ready

• Be imperfect, honest, messy, real… human!

Because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.

You don’t need to become someone else to be successful.

You just need to unlearn the parts of you that were taught to stay quiet. Whoever taught you that was wrong.

Mel
💖

p.s: yes, I speak to women here as that is my lived experience as a cis hetero woman. The truths are universal and apply to all the gays, theys, queers and ally men folk. 🫡