Big Sis Briefing: Are We the Out-of-Touch Managers Now?
This week on my Instagram page (@theinhouselawyer), things popped off.
I’d shared a throwaway reflection about junior lawyers, hard work and whether work-life balance can really exist from day one.
I got flooded with DMs that were thoughtful, divided, frustrated and reflective. It certainly struck a nerve with many of my gen x, millennial and z followers.
I think we’re in a generational tipping point and us millennial managers (aged 29 - 44) are right in the thick of it: navigating our own conditioning while trying to lead with empathy.
There’s a shift happening and we’re all feeling it
We’re the first generation of leaders raised in one system and trying to lead in another.
We were taught to prove ourselves by going above and beyond. Saying yes, staying late and doing the job before getting the title. That’s how you earned your place.
If we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes this worked. We were rewarded for our loyalty and grit or at least told we would be soon. Loyalty = currency.
But Gen Z grew up with a different reality. They watched that promise break. They saw restructures. Redundancies. The mental health fallout. The cost of work that took everything and didn’t always give much back. So it makes sense to me that they’re sceptical. They’re certainly not lazy.
They just don’t romanticise struggle in the way us millenials were conditioned to.
Now, that doesn’t mean that effort doesn’t matter. Of course it does! There’s truth to the idea that more hours = more exposure = faster learning. Especially early in your career.
But the point that came through loud and clear in my DMs is that you can care deeply, show up consistently and go above and beyond when needed – without sacrificing your health, soul or weekends because of fake urgency or poor time management.
One of the DMs from a loyal gen z follower put it better than I could:
“I don’t need to work 14 hour days to prove my worth. But I do need to give a shit about the work I do and how I carry myself.”
Exactly.
You can have boundaries and still care. You can work hard without being exploited. You can show up fully without trying to earn your humanity through output.
But, make no mistake, the shift is real and it’s messy for those of us who sit between these two eras of work.
Are we quietly reparenting the workplace?
I’m not a parent but I am an engaged and dotting aunty of dozens (my siblings and close friends just keep breeding so I don’t have to!) and I’ve clocked them use the term ‘gentle parenting’. It seems that this is the parenting style à la mode, the bugaboo pram of discipline, the snoo cot of breaking generational parenting traumas.
All of this conversation online got me thinking… are we entering the era of gentle managing?
Like gentle parenting, gentle managing doesn’t mean that anything goes. It means curiosity over control, boundaries with context and leading through clarity and not fear.
It means saying, “Here’s why this deadline matters. I’ll back you when it’s tough but I need you to show up.” It’s learning to say: “I get it. You want balance. But here’s why showing up matters right now.”
It’s recognising that your Gen Z direct report isn’t trying to disrespect you, they’re just not interested in performing burnout, hustle or grind for clout.
Gentle managing is also seeing that many of us millennials are reprogramming in real time. We are trying to undo the belief that overwork = worth. We are trying not to project that onto the people coming up behind us. No wonder we’re all in therapy!
The world has changed and so has work.
If we’re still clinging to outdated rules, then who is that really serving? I think that we can still expect high standards but we can also hold space for better ones.
So, what now?
Here’s what I’m sitting with:
We’re not wrong for working hard early in our careers;
They’re not wrong for expecting better conditions than we had; and
Both things can be true at the same time.
But what we do with that tension? Well, I think that’s what will define us as the next generation of leaders. Are we just pulling the ladder up behind us? Or are we building a better, more human workplace as we climb?
If you’re in this weird middle ground, trying to manage with heart and still deliver results, I see you. You’re not failing and you’re not alone.
Welcome to the millennial manager era.
Let’s not get out of touch. Let’s get intentional.
Mel 💖
