Big Sis Briefing: Confidence Is a Muscle (Not a Personality Trait)

When I was a kid, I was bold.

The kind of bold that writes stories in sparkly gel pen and reads them out loud to the class. The kind of bold that raises her hand first, asks questions, makes up plays in the backyard and tells adults exactly what she thinks with zero hesitation.

But over time, I learned to shrink.

Not all at once. Slowly. Quietly. Through tiny messages and moments that taught me to take up less space.

To wait my turn.

To speak when spoken to.

To read the room before saying what I actually meant.

To not ask for too much. To not make anyone uncomfortable. To not be irritating, demanding, or ✨ heaven forbid ✨ too much.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was learning to mute myself.

To soften.

To edit.

By the time I was a baby lawyer, I was good. Polished. Careful. Strategic.

But I had no idea how to back myself without waiting for someone else to say I was allowed to. Even if it didn’t seem that way, I was riddled with anxieties and fears. Some all the common workplace bullying from someone supposed to be leading me didn’t help things….

Confidence didn’t return in a lightning bolt

It came back slowly.

Through practice. Through doing things before I felt ready.

Through noticing where I was holding myself back and choosing not to do that anymore.

Confidence, it turns out, doesn’t live in your personality.

It lives in your actions.

It grows through repetition.

Just like a muscle.

The truth about Cringe Mountain

Confidence doesn’t feel like power when you’re building it. It feels awkward. Exposed. Like you’re dragging yourself up Cringe Mountain in mismatched Chanel sling backs .

The first time I spoke up in a leadership meeting, my voice wobbled.

The first podcast episode I recorded felt clunky and overly rehearsed.

The first LinkedIn post I wrote? I stared at it for 45 minutes before pressing publish.

Every single one of those moments felt uncomfortable.

But they were reps. Reps build strength.

How I rebuilt confidence from the inside out

1. I stopped chasing perfect

I decided that done was better than polished. That clarity mattered more than cleverness. That good enough really was good enough.

2. I started tracking evidence

When someone thanked me for a post or resonated with something I said on the podcast, I wrote it down. Small wins became proof I could trust myself.

3. I rewired the voice in my head

I noticed every time I thought, I shouldn’t say that, or this might be annoying, and I asked myself where that story came from. Most of the time, it wasn’t mine. It had been planted.

4. I chose courage on purpose

When fear popped up, I took it as a sign I was stretching. Not failing. I began to see fear as part of growth, not a stop sign.

5. I gave myself permission

To want more. To take up space. To make things even if they weren’t perfect. I stopped waiting for someone else to validate me and started doing it myself.

You don’t need to be the loudest to lead

Confidence is not about volume. It’s about conviction. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about trusting that you’ll find them when it counts.

The world will try to teach you to shrink.

To be polite. Palatable. Predictable.

But you’re not here to blend in.

You’re here to build something that reflects who you actually are.

To speak up. To share your ideas. To say yes to the thing before you feel 100 percent ready.

Final Big Sis Pep Talk

Confidence is not a personality type.

It’s a choice you make over and over until it becomes a habit.

Post the thing. Say the idea. Hit record. Ask for what you want.

Back yourself like it’s your job, because it is.

You’ve had this in you the whole time.

You’re just learning how to remember.

💖