Big Sis Briefing: Ego Death in Law - How Letting Go of Old Stories Can Transform Your Career

14 Aug

What Ego Death Is

Ego death happens when a belief about who you are no longer fits. It is the moment you realise a story you have carried for years is not the truth, you stop identifying with it and then you let it go.

The story ‘dies’.

We all have these stories. They are built over years through family expectations, cultural messages, education, professional environments and the media. We were not born with them. They have been layered on slowly, like coats of paint.

“I have to stay in this job for my resume to look impressive.”

“Real success means working for a big brand.”

“If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.”

“I’m not creative.”

“Changing direction would mean I’ve failed.”

“I have to keep everyone happy.”

“I can’t take time off or they’ll think I’m not committed.”

and on and on and on….

Lawyers Feel It Deeply

The legal profession is saturated with status markers. From the first year of law school, you are surrounded by rankings, titles and “prestige indicators”. University Rankings. Clerkships. Firm tiers. Practice areas. Client lists. Deal tables. Billable hours.

These markers can easily become intertwined with your sense of self. The psychology behind this is compelling. Our brains like certainty, identity and external validation. The legal profession offers all of those things and more but only if you operate within its unspoken rules.

Ego death comes when you realise those rules are not serving you anymore.

Not All Ego Is Bad

Ego is not the enemy. It gives you drive, ambition and pride in your work. It protects your boundaries and those are useful things. Ego becomes a problem when it is built on outdated stories or keeps you locked into something that no longer serves you.

Ego death is about removing what no longer fits while keeping what still has value.

My Own Experience

I have gone through more ego deaths than I can count.

Leaving a law firm for an in-house role earlier than most. I had to dismantle the belief that credibility only comes from following a traditional path.
Leaving a big corporate brand for a startup no one had heard of. I had to accept that I liked the instant legitimacy that came from the company name on my email signature. Letting go of that opened the door to some of the best work (and best boss) of my legal career.
Moving from a full-time executive role into a portfolio career. I gave up the safety of a title and a predictable salary to build something on my own terms.

Some ego deaths are smaller.

Recently, I caught myself in the story that “I am not good with numbers” while doing my bookkeeping. The truth is I can read numbers. I have a solid education and financial literacy. I sat down, did the work and walked away with more confidence and less fear.

An Example from the Profession

A lawyer recently described a new career opportunity that would involve moving from a top-tier firm to a smaller mid-tier practice. The role had interesting work, offered flexibility and the firm wanted them before they even met the partner. Yet there was some hesitation. The move would mean going from a globally recognised brand to one that few outside the niche had heard of. A colleague had recently said: “we are from [top tier firm], we shouldn’t have to go down to a mid tier firm.” and those words had stuck. I can just hear the snark and judgement from here!

This is where ego death happens. Not because one firm is better than another, but because the name carries weight in your mind. Choosing the role based on alignment with your values and goals, rather than how others will perceive it, is the work.

People will have their opinions: Let Them.

How to Move Through Ego Death

Spot the trigger
Notice moments where you feel resistance, fear or shame.
Name the story
Write down the belief that surfaces.
Find the source
Ask where you first learned this belief.
Test the truth
Is it fact or assumption? Does it match your current values?
Replace it
Choose a belief that supports the direction you want to grow.
Act on it
Take a step that aligns with the new belief.
Repeat often
Every ego death strengthens your ability to navigate the next one.

What Changes After

Some relationships will fade as you move away from old identities.
You will attract people who value you for who you are, not for the labels you carry. This is a blessing.
Your decisions will be based on alignment rather than external approval.

Also, notice the people who cheer for you in these moments because they are the ones you keep close.

✨

If you have found your way here, read every word and felt something shift, then that tells me that you are ready. This is not about abandoning ambition or losing your edge. It is about stripping away what no longer fits so you can grow into something better. Ego death is not woo woo. It is practical inner work. It is how you build a career and a life that are yours, not ones shaped by outdated expectations. So, lean into it. The discomfort is the sign you are moving forward.

Mel

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